


Secret Garden

by akatsuki_tsukiyomi (Yumi25Nakashima)



Series: First Blush [20]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, Reader-Insert, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28544382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yumi25Nakashima/pseuds/akatsuki_tsukiyomi
Summary: She was breaking and they could see the cracks but all they could do was watch.
Relationships: England (Hetalia)/Reader
Series: First Blush [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089500
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Secret Garden

**Author's Note:**

> (F/N) - Reader's First Name  
> (L/N) - Reader's Last Name  
> Arthur Kirkland - England's official human name

_He said,_  
_"Oh Mary, contrary how does your garden grow?"_  
_"Come with me, and you'll be the seventh maid in a row."_

(F/n) tugged at the sleeves of her coat persistently, trying to pull them further down to cover up her fingers. Her palms were clammy and her breathing was growing quicker. Warm hands were placed on her shoulders, bringing her mind back to her body. She looked up to see Arthur beside her, his piercing emerald eyes focused on a point in front of him as he steered his and her body to the left, pulling (F/n) with him down the dimly-lit road.

Only the sounds of their boots meeting the cobbled streets made noise as neither of them spoke.

It had been a mistake to have forced her to come, Arthur thought with regret as he replayed the events of the night. They had gone to a small friendly gathering that they both had been eagerly looking forward to. Earlier that day, however, (F/n) found herself wallowing in a pool of existential crisis.

_My answer was laughter soft as I lowered my head._

_"You're too late, I'm afraid, this flower's already dead."_

It had been a frequent occurrence before and it took her by surprise that she would suddenly start to feel so down again, after a seemingly long hiatus. Her emotions dived down to rock bottom for an unknown reason. When Arthur came to pick her up that afternoon, she had confided in him her feelings.

He was his usual understanding self, but he too had been looking forward to seeing the friends they had not been in contact with for a while. He calmed her down and in the end succeeded in coaxing her into going to the gathering. Had it not been because of the rare occasion, he would have stayed with her for as long as she needed.

_Resetting as I was with blossoms in full bloom._

_Never a chance to pause with magic to consume._

But that night, Arthur felt a little selfish. That night, he wanted to ignore the red flags and instead enjoy himself in the fun and laughter. Before he knew it, he had left (F/n)'s side to socialize with his other acquaintances. The moment he looked back to where she had been standing, he didn't find her there. Instead, she had resorted to drinking a glass of champagne by herself, staring out the window.

He thought that she was fine. She looked fine. But the moment he saw her eyes dart around the room and then down to her drink before she chugged it down, he knew something was up. (f/n) was never the type to be in a haste to finish her drink. She always took her time. She was not brash, she was always calculating and rational.

When he finally managed to excuse himself from the people he was conversing with, he took a few long strides over to his girlfriend and immediately took the fourth glass of champagne she was already downing. He placed the half-empty glass down next to the other empty glasses and looked at her.

She looked up at him but her gaze flickered away almost immediately at the concerned yet stern look her gave her. She glued her eyes down to her feet as she fidgeted under his gaze, looking like a child waiting for a scolding from her parents.

_A shadow walked behind me offering his hand,_ _but couldn't understand._

"I think you've had enough to drink, love," he spoke gently, taking her hand in his. She simply gave a meek nod in reply.

"I guess so."

"Do you want to head back?"

Her eyes met his once more and she paused. It looked like she was debating the matter over in her head.

"No," she said slowly as if still thinking about choosing the right words. "It's barely been a few hours since we've arrived. I wouldn't want to ruin your night."

His eyes softened. His fingers tenderly brushed stray strands of her hair from her cheeks. "You would never ruin my night."

_He said,_  
_"Oh Mary, contrary how does your garden grow?"_  
_"Come with me, and you'll be the seventh maid in a row."_

(F/n) felt guilty as she watched Arthur bid his goodbyes to their friends. He was not looking apologetic as he took his leave, for her sake obviously, but she couldn't shake the gnawing feeling that had she not been so needy of his attention, he could still be there enjoying his time. She suddenly felt inferior and it was as though the room and everyone and everything in it grew in size. She felt as small as a defenceless mouse, trying to hide in a corner.

Arthur came back to join her after exchanging a few more friendly words and held his arm out for her to take. She took up on his offer and he held her close to him as they walked out.

"I'm sorry we had to leave so early." Her voice had been so soft and almost a whisper that he wasn't sure she even said anything.

"It's no problem. I think I've had enough socializing for the night," Arthur replied nonchalantly, trying to ease her discomfort. It was almost an automated response. He had made it very clear to her that he didn't want to cause her any distress. Instead, he intended to help her and be with her in trying times.

Because of him, (F/n)'s demons were held at bay. Because of him, she felt like she was no longer drowning in a bottomless ocean. He taught her to swim and ride the waves; he was her saviour.

_My answer was laughter soft as I lowered my head._  
_"You're too late, I'm afraid, this flower's already dead."_

But the brightest light cast the darkest shadows. Sometimes she would feel a little too dependent on him and his presence. She leant on him too much that she nearly lost herself when he was not around. She leant on him too much that she nearly lost control when he was no longer there to support her. But they made it work—somehow, they made it work.

Arthur was good for her, she knew that. But was she good for him? Did she deserve someone as caring and as understanding and as patient as him? Did _he_ deserve someone as broken as her?

_Scattering petals down the road without an end._  
_Left on the battleground for one I called my friend._

Sometimes (F/n) would be too into her head. She would go too far into herself and end up forgetting that there was someone who wanted to help her. She would think too soon that she was alone and end up forgetting that there was still someone she could count on.

She would doubt herself and she would even doubt him. She would let herself succumb to the bad days.

And today... Today was one of those days. Today was one of those days where she didn't feel particularly sad, but neither did she feel particularly happy. She was simply existing, but she felt empty. Nothing could fill her up. Nothing could take away the numbness.  
  


_Maybe he loved me as he took me by the hand,_ _and tried to understand..._

(F/n) watched with vacant eyes as Arthur reached into his coat pocket to retrieve the keys to her apartment as they arrived at her doorstep. He helped her in and took her coat for her. She simply walked past him after, paying no heed to the look of concern he sent her way.

She walked over to the living room and let herself fall on the sofa. She was exhausted but she didn't feel like sleep was going to be easy that night. Arthur didn't join her on the sofa.

He headed over to the kitchen after hanging his coat and started heating up water in a kettle. He stayed in the kitchen, leaning with his back against the counter as he let himself sink deep into his thoughts.

He wasn't expecting apathy. He was expecting sadness, tears, even, anything but nothing. He was not expecting indifference. From his place, he watched the back of (F/n)'s head loll back as she rested it and made herself comfortable in front of the television.

_I said,_ _"Oh Mary, contrary how does your garden grow?"_

The soft pitter-patter of rain soon chimed in and broke the silence. After a short while, the kettle whistled and Arthur turned off the stove. He pulled out two bags of chamomile tea and poured the hot water into cups. Once he had steeped the tea bags enough, he pulled them out and took a sip from one of the steaming teacups.

He made his way into the living room, bringing the scent of calming flowers with him and handed (F/n) a cup.

_"Stay with me, I can't see anywhere that we could go."_

She accepted it and blew the steam away before taking a tentative sip.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked cautiously as if testing the boundaries.

(F/n) only continued drinking her tea.

Arthur gave a sigh as he took a seat beside her and set down his cup on the coffee table.

"It might help if,"

"Arthur."

The blond man shut his mouth as she spoke, her tone firm. He gave another sigh, although it almost sounded like a huff.

_Their answer was laughter as darkness swallowed them up._

"I'm sorry if you didn't want to go and I forced you, alright? I'm sorry if I left you alone. I'm sorry if,"

"Arthur, _please_. It's not that," (F/n) pleaded, cutting him off once more. She was tensed as she looked at him, and so was he.

He wanted to help her, to understand, but she was shutting the door in his face and it was frustrating him.

"Then what is it? I want to know, (F/n). I _need_ to know," he was starting to sound more desperate. "I want to help."

Her eyes softened at the slight wavering in his voice and the tension slowly dissipated.

_"One more time, I'll be fine, sometimes kindness is enough..."_

"It's just a bad day," she started after a few more sips of her tea. "That's it. I'm sorry I made you worry. But it's nothing I can't handle, really."

Arthur gave her a long look before he took his teacup in his hands and sipped.

Was she really alright? He truly wanted to help, but he knew nothing could be done unless she let him.

"Alright," he breathed out, caving in as he extended an arm toward her. "Come on then."

A tiny smile splayed on (F/n)'s lips as she scooted over to him and cosied up in his arms. As he rested his chin on the top of her head, her smile faded away, concealed from his view.

_"Oh Mary, contrary how does your garden grow?"_

_"Don't leave me, please don't be the seventh maid in a row."_

She felt guilty again. It felt wrong to deceive him. It was wrong to make him think that she was alright. She was trying to push him away again. He only wanted to help. But wasn't he too desperate? She needed help, but he could not save her. Only she could save herself. Only she could cast away her dark thoughts. 

_My answer, a whisper soft as he lowered his head._

_"Set them free, I'm sorry, this flower's already dead..."_

He let himself be blinded by his intentions that he didn't realize that she's far too broken—far too broken to be repaired.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally published in Wattpad on Jul 15, 2018.


End file.
